Mental Toughness

On: Suffering

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Suffering – to undergo pain or hardship.

Suffering is a subjective experience. Experiencing is objective. The difference is critical, and multifaceted, but is essentially context and control.

A person has a respiratory virus. They experience all the symptoms of congestion, headache, sneezing, fatigue. They only suffer with a cold if it makes them miserable as well. And if it does, thats allowed. Being ill is awful.

People in conflict zones undergo extraordinary hardships, as destruction and the potential for death surround them, with little opportunity to escape. And yet, so many of them are far more resilient than those of us who fall apart if Disney+ cancels season 2 of our favourite show. Somedays, especially with loss, grief and pain, I am sure they are suffering enormously.

The same goes for many other areas. People experience a life changing injury. They only suffer if they don’t get the support, medical care and rehabilitation that they need to allow them to return to independence and a fulfilling role in society, AND, they choose the path of misery and suffering, with the adjacent loss of control.

That choice is hard. Incredibly so. It is a choice they make every day. To suffer, or to experience, to live with or in spite of?

From having spent many years with these people, I admire them all, and especially the ones who choose to lean in to it.

From them, and from conversations with many of them, as well as reflections of my own, I offer the following thought.

It is.

Today it is hurting. Today is is raining, Today I have a cold. Today I have a back pain and didn’t sleep well, the children are playing up and I have worries about the council tax bill.

But.

I am still me, I am still a parent, I am still loved, I am still interested in art, science, reading, steam engines of the mid 20th Century, whatever forms part of your self identity.

It is, I have, not I am.

Labels are for shopping, or nasty little lists. Don’t take a label.

I am, it is.

On: Obesity

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We all know what obesity looks like. Too many ‘spoons pie and pint nights, too many burgers, not enough gym time.

Except, we don’t.

It might be visually obvious if the T shirt barely covers the waistline, but how do you define it? If you use the BMI scale (weight in kilos divided by height in metres squared), then obesity is considered anything over a BMI of 30, overweight is over 25, healthy is 20-25 and so forth.

But then a lot of athletes, especially power althletes, are obese. Of course, the more mass you have to move around, the greater the load your body has to manage, both for joint health and cardiovascular load but this doesn’t take into consideration the positive effect of muscle mass, cardiovascular fitness, and any other number of markers for health. The only use for BMI in most aspects is to tell you what you already know, when its far too low or far too high. For reference, you probably don’t want to be below 20 (not enough muscle mass) and above 30 (increased risk of joint issues).

A preferred methodology, for a rapid ready reckoner, is height to waist ratio. This ignores mass, but can idicate central obesity, which has been shown to have a detrimental effect on internal organs and general health. This is simply calculated as a ratio of height to waist circumference (waist divided by height in m), and should be less than 0.5.

As for markers of fitness, define your own. Markers such as the amount you can lift, or how fast you can run, are spurious goal setting. And no matter what the companies might say, you can’t tell your fitness from blood tests. Those are for if you are sick. Otherwise the levels will constantly fluctuate and tell you very little.

Be able to run, if you have the physical capability. Then try to increase the distance you can cover. Lift heavy things safely, then do it again. Move regularly, as smoothly and freely as possible. Constantly develop your capacity.

Train as though your life depends on it.

It does.

On: failure

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If you try to do too much in one go, you’ll fail.

You’ll fail because change requires effort and energy to sustain and you only have so much of it to go around.

Getting up earlier requires going to be earlier. But you can’t do that if you have commitments that keep you busy.

Cleaning up your diet requires knowledge, planning, effort.

Going to the gym is bullshit. I love gyms, they’re generally my safe place, but they are not the panacea sold by fitness grifters. Gyms are a place of effort, learning, painful self reflection. Go when you are ready for the lesson and can take humility in your kitbag.

Meditation and mindfulness are not solutions, they’re tools. If you can’t accept the dancing monkeys in your head, you’re not going to want to spend any time with them.

And after all that negativity?

Get rid of something. Less is far easier to manage than more.

Stop drinking. Stop smoking. Stop scrolling. If you can’t, accept you might have an addition issue and ask for support.

Walk more, drive less.

Throw out something from your house. It’s almost certainly clutter and there’s a probability someone else could benefit.

Positive deeds are loops. One feeds another. Make space for positive things.

We can offer some of this support.

An exercise review. A safe space to work through basic coaching issues, treatment to give your body space in itself to heal. A motivating kick and gentle reminder that being human takes effort but is worth it.

But make space. Do less, just do less better.

Be kind, be curious.

On: The power of words

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Words have power. This has been known for a very, very long time.

The words we say to each other, the words we say to ourselves and the words we use to describe the world around us.

By reframing the words we use, we can change the way we view the universe. Even the language we speak with changes the way we interact with the world around us.

The internal monologue we have can change our entire day, or even path of life. So does everyone elses. And of course, these things can be deep and challenging to deal with, so are far beyond the remit of such pages here.

With that in mind, the following are suggestions that can allow us to catch ourselves in simple situations that may then offer benfit to the way we approach certain circumstances.

For example. You injure a knee on a run, which limits your mobility while it heals. If you start telling yourself that you cannot do things because of your knee, then you are creating limitations within your mindset. However, simply by saying that in spite of the knee you can do activities that maintain your fitness, you will optimise recovery, improve your mindset and view the current difficulty in a better light. That is not to say that it is not a difficulty, but the perspective shift of the barrier changes its height.

Or. Change “I can’t” to “how can I?” Shift the view of the problem.

Within a medical setting, we often get patients expressing suffering. Suffering is subjective, valid and to be believed. However, as a professional, you can help reframe the situation by the use of your language patterns to check in with what they are experiencing. From suffering to experiencing does not and should not invalidate their personal reality, but may help explore what it means at that point.

Again, within a medical or caring setting, empowerment is important. If we help someone, we can often disempower them and either create passisivity or an unbalanced dynamic. So instead of helping, consider or ask how you can support them. If they have limited abilities for any reason, then this can help set the correct tone for them to communicate their needs, rather than having your “help” thrust upon them.

If you have repetitive and perhaps tedious tasks to help those around us, from small children and work colleagues to aging relatives, and find yourself saying that you’ve got to, reframe it to get to. I’ve got to take the kids to football – I get to watch them learn new skills. I’ve got to see my grandfather this afternoon – I get to spend time with my grandfather. And so forth.

And sometimes, if you don’t know what to say, say nothing. Supportive silence is much underrated and certainly underused. Slow down, check in with yourself and say nothing.

In spite – because of

Can’t – how can

Suffering – experiencing

Got to – get to

Silence.

Onwards.

On: Rituals and routines

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It seems like every influencer has their own special ritual and routine that helps them optimise their productivity, create more wealth and still manage to find time for their side hustle / thruple / vanlife trip around the pacific north west. And you can learn the secret if you listen to their podcast / buy their e-book / subscribe to their youtube channel.

And if thats true then I’m pleased for them, they’ve achieved some sense of balance and awareness in their lives.

For the rest of us, those who don’t speak fluent Aspiranto (the common language of the Antisocial media personality), some of the ideas can still offer us a benefit, especially if we draw our attention to them.

First though, definitions.

A routine is a sequence of actions that are repeated regularly, often without much thought. They can be simple, like brushing your teeth before bed, or more complex, like going to the gym regularly. As well as saving time and energy, they can also provide us with a sense of structure and predictability.

Rituals are also a series of repeated actions, but they are typically more intentional and meaningful than routines. Rituals can be religious, spiritual, or secular. Often performed less frequently, they can be performed to mark important life events, to connect with others, or simply to find peace and calm.

However, it is important to note that the distinction between routines and rituals is not always clear-cut. For example, a morning routine of yoga and meditation could be considered both a routine and a ritual, depending on the individual’s intention.

And herein lie the key differences: Intention, Attention, Focus.

To turn a routine into a ritual, we have to be fully present in the process. We have to understand the why , not just the what, and allow that awareness to be part of the process. And, we can often use symbols and anchors to help us trigger those patterns more effectively.

If, for example, you were brought up in the Western Christian Catholic tradition, then the smells and the bells would automatically allow you to access the full script for the ritual taking place, whereas it could seem confusing and overwhelming if you had never experienced it before.

These symbols and anchors can all be used to create a sense of belonging in those who have been initiated, and may create a barrier to those who are outside.

So, to improve an aspect of our lives, we can create a routine to support it. Want to drink more water, put in place a structure that encourages this with the use of triggers and anchor points. Feel that a 5 minute mobility routine would offer some benefit to your overall health? Make it simple to carry out. Look at what is currently stopping you and remove those barriers.

And, to make the mobility a meditation, or to use the water break as a gratitude practice (both of which are backed by real science to offer benefit), then choose your focus in the moment to be on your breath, on the process, on reflection, rather than carrying out the motions.

The big secret the fitness industry doesn’t want you to know.

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They’re lying to you. They have been for years and maybe even they’re lying to themselves.

They’re selling you all these messages and machines and plans and regimes. And they’re not going to work, leaving you disappointed and looking for the next big secret. The next short cut.

So, what is the secret they don’t want you to know?

Exercise won’t make you lose weight. Diet won’t get you fitter.

All the booty classes and HIIT training and smoothies and shakes don’t work alone.

Maybe if you’re running 5-6 hours plus a week then yes. You may lose some weight. You are going to create a significant enough caloric deficit to see a difference. But not much and not for a sustained period. If you don’t back it up with a solid refuelling and recovery strategy.

You’ve got to do both, in the correct proportions.

Look at a visually super fit person, that influencer, gym bunny. Not only are they exercising frequently, they’re looking after their nutrition. They’re not completing the circuit class and immediately down the coffee shop for a syrupy latte. The inside is reflected on the outside.

Exercise is for fitness, nutrition is for weight management. The combination leads to improved health. Which is reflected in your physique.

You don’t need their latest method or protocol or supplement. It’s been said before but you don’t like it because it’s hard and slow and repetitive and dull.

  • Eat to sustain activity, refuel and recover.
  • Eat occasionally for pleasure.
  • Exercise to improve muscle mass
  • Exercise to improve cardiovascular health
  • Exercise to maintain balance and skill
  • Exercise because it’s fun
  • Do it regularly and seek healthcare advice when something seems wrong for a while.

Simple is not the same as easy. But consistency and iteration works.

Resilience and capacity

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In the end you have to have something that I give to give the disease as a price of recovery.

Not sure where I heard that but it makes sense.

The more fitness, the more muscle you have to give a serious illness, the more likely you are to come out the other side.

Professor Oliver (geriatrics) noted that he could guess someone’s probability of a safe discharge from the quality of their handshake. Firm, strong, reassuring. Weak, flaccid, concerning. A handshake conveys vitality, determination, strength, even psychological state.

Put the work in now so your future self can live to fight another day.

On: Toxic Productivity

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Rise and grind.

Hustle harder.

Do this one thing to be 10x more productive.

Entrepreneurs and millionaires do this one thing to be more productive.

This stuff is pushed at us all the time.

The secret trick to getting more done, the subconsious message that we are not being as productive as we could be, that we could do more, get more, have more shiny things.

Why? Why be more productive just for the sake of it? Why push yourself, risk burning the candle too far, neglecting the things that are actually important for the things that we are told are, but are simply marketing mush for someones company.

Step back, slow down, reassess.

Turn the question around. Am I doing enough to be satisfied? Do you need the second job, the productivity hack, the apparent short cut? If you do for financial reasons, then accept that, it sucks, especially if it is out of your control. If you are doing it to keep up with the challenges at where you work, are the pressures on you realistic or are the people above you using you?

Any why are we talking about this at a health clinic? Because that pressure to be “more” can have negative consequences on your mental and physical health. Yes, pushing to complete a specific goal is sometimes worth the expended effort and the recovery time after, but to keep that up endlessly leads to the wheels falling off at some unspecified time in the future, which can make you more of a liability.

Instead, aim for minimal effective dose. The least output required to exceed your needs. This leaves some in the metaphorical tank for situations beyond control, develops stress resilience and still allows you to meet the expectations on you.

Don’t be a liability.

Do that which satisfies you.

Admin and organisation

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Most truly successful people have one secret.

A very simple one.

Not a ritual, or protocol or supplement.

Its a practice that they have either had thrust upon them or is inately part of who they are.

Good personal administration.

Making sure the correct item is where it needs to be when its needed. Making sure the correct paperwork has been filed.
Making sure they have kept up their contact network efficiently.
Making sure they have prepared to be on time the majority of the time.
Making sure they have the support network they need.

Some of us are better than others, many achieve fantastic things in spite of thier percieved inability to be “organised”.

More of us are discovering that we are neurodiverse and have been fighting an uphill battle against our own unique pyschology.

That feeling that we are pushing water all the time, while others are gliding smoothly ahead.

They are simply swans. Paddling furiously against the current while looking effortless.

For the rest of us, good admin means finding the correct tool. The unique system that allows you to remember where to be, when, and with what.

Not lots of them, as that adds layers of chaos, but one, or maybe two.

For me, it starts with mind maps and spider diagrams. this allows me to get the noise in my head onto a screen. Ideas are recorded in a notebook. Appointments are on a big wall planner. Family information goes on a white board in the kitchen. It all builds constructively and allows for good communication.

I like the pocket notebooks from Kurzgesagt (https://shop-eu.kurzgesagt.org/collections/pocket-notebooks) as I am a supporter of their channel, but you can find lot of others ways.

What has this to do with fitness, health and being a better human?

Everything.

If you find it challenging to exercise, as there is not enough time, find a tool that helps you choose. If you find meals and nutrition a barrier, look for a way of planning ahead and removing those blocks. If you’re under stress due to constant tardiness, take a few moments to look ahead.

For me, I am always slightly late for things as I remember a hundred other things that need to be done just as I’m heading out, underestimate the time taken to complete that task, constantly believe I can time travel, and can never find the kit and keys i need.

I’m working on it, and so can you.

Good admin can save the world, just a tiny bit.

Distraction

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What’s stopping you from making progress?

How do you even know if you are?

Far too many of us turn up to a gym environment, do random things, post about it on a social media channel, and leave again, thinking we are training.

That’s not training bro, that’s messing around.

If you’re mid way through a long cardio session, where you simply have to keep moving for a prescribed time or distance then perhaps letting your mind wander is no bad thing. Especially if it’s getting tough and listening to something else allows you to continue.

But for the rest of us, get your mind out of your phone and into your muscles.

Focusing on your form, the load, the way your muscles are moving has been shown to improve performance significantly, so why throw a free benefit away?

No one on Facebook is going to change your body, only you can. No one on instagram really cares about your latest posed bicep shot.

Stop distracting, start performing.